.Sunday, March 07, 2010 ' 11:39 PM Y
Re: DoFinally we got the land! I'm just so glad that we are moving! it means no 3 hrs of traveling time every week on Sunday! and another 3 on Fridays for cgm! wah, 6hrs of traveling each week for ministry. its reli good news to move! Suntec, here we come!
While all are over the moon celebrating with overwhelming emotions, i felt released, yet burdened at the same time.
What does it mean to move to Suntec as a church/cg?
It's not just merely a change in venue, but its a whole new dimension of doing ministry, doing the great commandment. moving into a new place doesnt mean that growth will naturally come. it will still come by doing, doing the works of God. from now to then, other than celebrating, there are really more things to be done. our people need to have bigger hearts, bigger capacity to contain a bigger crowd. while people are celebrating over the occasion, i cant keep my eyes off the amount of work we have to put in. i do not want to live in illusion, which i think i had. there were times that i was afraid to even write down and count the numbers of mem i had. it has been a long time since i counted the strength of my CG. today i took the courage to write down their names one by one. each name i wrote down somehow evoked a story which i had with them individually.
i guess as leaders we have to be honest with ourselves and evaluate our leadership. we need to have the strength and courage for our leadership to be questioned, which a member came to challenged me today. and i felt it opened a can of worms. all along i know i need to do something, but whatever happened today and over the week made me realised i have to do it NOW. as much as i can blame the people/system/culture/history, i knew it will lead to no end. its time for me to pick myself up once again and do it again.
when we were in school, the scariest thing as a student will be seeing a big red "REDO!" on our exercise books. and we will feel all the reluctance and unjustification. thats how i felt today, when i knew that i had to REDO my life.
I need to REDO my ministry. as i was counting, coincidentally, the number of people i have now was the original number which i first started out. somehow it feels like im back to the start. dear asked me about my beginning as a leader 4years back and it brings back so much memories. i have lost that drive. i need to get it back. that were times i emptied my allowance just to take cab to visit members, there were times i were woke up by calls in midnight for prayer requests, there were times when we had conference calls weekly etc. i was so tired then yet i felt alive. having grown up has set me in comfort. i need to create some "orderly chaos" for myself again to get myself out of that comfort level.
I need to REDO my relationship with people. I have came to realised i cant live on my own. i need friends. i have to learn how to let go of the past hurts.
Maybe I have rely on dear too much for the past few years. Maybe its a good time for him to go away to a far away land for 5 months. It might be the divine intervention of God, for me to live life by myself, with myself and for myself to be myself.
dont live in illusion and deception. embrace it and be true to yourself.
