.Friday, January 29, 2010 ' 6:38 PM Y
Today could be one of the most adventurous day of work for these 4 months. As part of an event to celebrate those staff with good service, we r to do a video montage to feature those behind the scenes footage. Me and the filming team went to those "limited access" places n did our interviews, acting as patients, finding out more abt the various professions etc.
We went to places like radiology where we "used" the MRI scan machine, n we got one of the crew to lie down on that coffin look-alike machine, we went to CDC to interview the medical social worker n realised how passionate they are for their job, n best of all is we went into the mortuary- the place that I have always wanted to go!
The staff working at the mortuary truly commands my respect. Throughout the interview with him, you can really feel his professionalism and respect, even for the dead. He has been in this line for 13 years n as he began to relate his experiences with the deceased family mem, Undertakers, the deceased (yes he encounter strange stuff!!!), I can really feel that he loves his job even though this might nt be the most prestigious job. When asked what is the most scariest thing that has happened there, he ans: "there are no scary things here, but there are alot of beautiful things here. I learnt alot abt loving myself and cherishing my time here. I respect the dead because I believe that even the body is dead, their soul is still within them." it was so well said, that instant, I salute to him from the bottom of my heart.
A visit to such a place like this made me think. At the end of one's life, actually nth else reli matters. Wad reli matters most is when we know that we are going to somewhere which is eternally safe, secured and peaceful. Imagine u are dead now, and your soul begin to rise from your body, will your soul feel lost? Imagine your soul says "ok, where am I heading to now? Is there "someone" going to fetch me? Will I meet my love ones again?" in modern society where people choose to believe in thier own works, or having their faith anchored in science n technology, n die as a "free thinker", who is going to decide for them wad kinda funeral they are gg to have? What happens after death when they realised that all that they have put their trust in, prosperity, education, good works all became vain within a few split seconds that defines life or death? Are free thinkers reli "free" thinkers, or are they simply the group whom refuse or avoid to make a stand and acknowledgement?
I have always wanted to go mortuary cz I know that's a place of a different perspective to life. The next place that I reli want to thread into is the operating theatre to view a live surgery. To be frank, I was quite freak out when I saw a real body in te mortuary. Not that I see the face, but the atmosphere there is just different. Coldness will somehow unknowingly surround you. Goosebumps upon goosebumps. I have learnt how to celebrate life and life itself. Being alive, just alive alone is good enough, cause that's when you still can make decisions n have the ability to change. Nth is ever fixed when one is still alive. So no matter wad, keep ourselves alive!
I left the place heavy-hearted. Even now as I typed this on the way to lead cgm, Im still in v deep thoughts. Another tot is that if I can respect a man who serve the dead so much, making their last journey peaceful and pleasant even though he can't change much of the ending, then the more I should respect all the pastors and cell group leaders, who are not just impacting earthly lives, but changing their eternity. Salute to all those who have sown eternally!
My heart is heavy. But I'm on my way now to celebrate life, the life everlasting. Guess today's cgm will be lots of heart to heart sharing.
:)
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.Thursday, January 28, 2010 ' 11:31 PM Y
Found a new toy today. It's simply hilarious!!!!
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.Wednesday, January 27, 2010 ' 10:53 PM Y
these 2 days have been tired! reached home ytd ard 12am+ after leaders' meeting.. and today reached home at 10pm after work. and tml gg present-hunt, and wana spend some time to prepare some reli solid sermon, and fri cgm! but these few days have been positive so far. just that i need to hibernate over the weekends.
have been medidating on Psalms 119, and found a few interesting verses:
v38-37 "Incline my heart to Your testimonies, And not to covetousness.
Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, And revive me in Your way.
"
v65-72 (MSG): "Be good to your servant, God. be as good as your Word.
Train me in good common sense; I'm thoroughly committed to living your way."
Sometimes our eyes are just fixated at the wrong stuff, and worse is we thought that that is what God wants us to do. We fix our eyes on the wrong job, wrong dreams, wrong feelings, wrong relationships, wrong investiments etc.. and we fail to realise that He has alr prepared sth greater for us. Sometimes we fixate our eyes on our carnality, when our flesh is screaming out in suffering, and we thought that that wasnt part of His plans. Little did we realise that He is undone with us.
Is there such things as GOOD common sense? Common sense should be sth common and same for all. But there are actually good and bad common sense. After some "coaching"+"confrontations" from my colleagues, i realised i do not just need common sense, i need GOOD common sense. People do and perceive things differently. Just as I thought this would be the best, they might not think so. I really need a good common sense to weave around this environment that I am in. Esp in a hospital env, where everyone is just so experienced and been here since day 1, they tend to treat you like a noob who knows nothing.
Sometimes, I wonder if this is how big organisation works, or is this just the TTSH culture. People always choose to focus on the negative.
1. You are underperforming VS I believe you can still maximise your potential
2. HUH? Why are you all going to meeting?!?! VS Actually I no need all to be at meeting, I can handle it myself.
3. Why are you doing things this way? VS Let me teach you a new way of doing things
4. You are the one who is supposed to be ic of this project VS If you need help I can assist you
See the difference? People might just be under the "system of slavery", where they are work under fear instead of faith. Of cz not that we have to put aside our respect and professionalism, but i thought things could be better done here. its my prayer daily that God gives me the courage to change the things which needs to be change, give me serenity to accept things which i cant, and wisdom to differentiate between them.
Its quite disheartening to hear about those who has resigned/gg to resign just within the span of these few days. people come in by the HR door and exit out from the backdoor. Really love what Pst Tan shared during ldrs meeting, where we are not bonded to slavery, but bonded by love.
whatever it is, to stay to leave, to be fearful or faithful, i am giving my life to this organisation. whichever master that God has allowed over me, I will serve, as ultimately it is God that Im serving. Everyday on my way to work, I will remind myself that I am giving my 10hrs out of 24 hrs i have per day to this organisation! i better make it good here! its my life that i am spending away here! was having a very casual conversation with some colleagues and fr their pt of view, work=work and life=life! this i totally disagree! if you are spending more than half a day at work, meaning more than half of your life at work, how can you seperate it so distinctly?! our work, in fact, vocation (originated fr "vocal", which also means "calling") should be our God-given duties, not just for mere survival.
so conclusion is, i need to sleep now. heehee =p
tbc...
.Sunday, January 24, 2010 ' 11:14 PM Y
for dearYesh, this is sth for you YOU YOU! just as you are working v hard on your assignment now, just wana write you sth here! =)
dear, you are one of the most selfless person i ever known next to Jesus. you are always availing yourself to help other people, be it myself, my family, your CG, the zone, the church, your own friends, your friends' friends, your friends' friends' friends and so on... though sometimes it comprises our time tgt (ahem!), i guess somehow this is what attracted me to you! =p
and of all the things piling up in life, you always not just think positive, you always think possibilities! your studies are never affected by all your commitments. im so proud to of "myself" to have chosen you as my bf! muahaha! i have always admire your scale of knowledge, you seem to know all the current affairs, latest happenings, theories etc, and most of all, being in dean's list not just once, but twice so far, and having scholarships chasing after you!
as you begin to give your life to others, you gradually found yours and discovered what you like and what you dont. and thats the best part about serving God together with you. you might not know, but sometimes your actions somehow inspire me to give more of myself to others as well! you have taught me not to be selfless. looking at your life, i cant deny but to acknowledge that God is really true and faithful to those who serve much and well. this is just the beginning of the year and i see that you are not just doing well in your studies and having open doors to pursue sponsored further education, your extend of influence also has tremendously increased! from leading a humble grp of students, you have grown to influence influential business adults, entrepreneurs and scholars. sometimes when i look at the profile of your CG, im convinced that God is truly adding solid people slowly and assuredly to you. and i desire that too!
your fruits are truly visible. and even the ple in my CG are talking about you and looking up to you! (hor, mish? haha!) i truly believe one day you will be appearing on the newspaper again! do mention me then. =p
today when you shared with me about the need to become rich so that you are able to mulitply yourself to serve even more people, i felt that was so noble. (even though i gave you no expression cz i was so so tired. hehe) when most people wants to be rich for their own comfort, you have a different spirit! really look forward to the day when we can do humanitarian work or disaster relief tgt. that will be awesome!
our beginning now might be very humble, starting out as a mere student and a mere fresh grad, but i believe one day when we begin to look back at this day, we will be glad that we have came a long way.
looking forward for more breakthroughs and testimonies with you in 2010~!!
love ya baby! =)
.Saturday, January 23, 2010 ' 1:01 AM Y
Mc is a luxurious thing. I slept throughout the day! A day to recuperate back my cumulative of late nights!
Today was a rejuvenating day. It has been so long that I prayed for an hr. I have wanted to set aside a solid one hr to pray beginning of this year, but just can't find time n energy to do so. Sometimes I sleep as early as 8pm! So today I was so determined to pray n linger for an hr.
The first 15 mins was hard. It was just simply the shedding away of e Carnel nature n thoughts. I persevere on for the next 10mins, another 10, another 10 and wala! An hr passed! Simply enjoyed the presence, peace n calmness in the soul. Once again, I found strength n directions.
With thanksgiving I enter into his gates. And with praise I enter his courts. I'm reassured once again that I should always trust in the wisdom of his plans.
Thank you Jesus.
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.Friday, January 22, 2010 ' 12:59 AM Y
When I was p2, I tot tying my jacket ard my neck or waist was fashion.
When I was p6, I tot hanging my watch on the belt hook on my jeans was fashion.
When I was sec 2, I tot carrying my pager with the silver chain dangling out of my pinafore was fashion.
When I was sec 3, I tot changing Hp covers was fashion.
When I was in j1, I tot having draw string in uniform was fashion. (if u were fr jc u would Noe wad I mean)
When I was in uni, I tot slippers n teeshirt was fashion.
Now, I think iPhone is fashion!
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.Thursday, January 21, 2010 ' 6:55 PM Y
While I'm waiting for the 3 ladies, shall take some time to blog. Oh, those 3 are my Nus buddies, we r supposed to meet up last year! -_-
Anw Jan has been a month of settling down from all my hols withdrawals. 1st week had been totally slack! Things picked up a lil when Pst tan preached abt visions n dreams. N gg to DT's concert has definitely made mr realised what I wan to do abt myself, at least this year.
I'm just amazed by e creativity of e concert n how creative he is! He is truly maximizing his god-given gifts. I'm always v amazed by things like that. N I went to visit lasalle n when I stepped in, somehow I felt that this is e env! The place is just so unconventional. These made me realised how I have shut that creative-engine n the wild n fun loving side of me, esp after entering e society, when more things set in in life. Now, I appreciate freedom of speech, freedom to do things without supervision, where people work based on trust n accountability. I used to think that pst has given us too much freedom until we duno wad to do at times n felt lost. But now I truly appreciate tt n uds his well-meaning. I realised I need that type of freedom to thrive. Disclaimer: not that my workplace is a prison, but in fact my boss n colleagues r reli nice ple who coaches me patiently.
I know I'm on my way there. He will lead me there somehow.
God is kind, but not soft. He will lead me firmly by his hands n chasten me until I m there.
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.Tuesday, January 12, 2010 ' 11:54 PM Y
prayer made all the difference.
things seem brighter today. caused i prayed.
yes, im setting myself up on the rampart. give me a vision so that I can run.
I need to run! no more time to waste.
dear asked: what are some of the decisions you have to make this year for this year to be the best year yet?
i think i noe the answers. =)
.Tuesday, January 05, 2010 ' 11:39 PM Y
i need to remind myself that it's already 2010.
need to get my life going.
but im still having hangovers from all the playing! argh...
im subtlely telling myself life starts only after CNY. boohoo! =p
anw woman is in LOVE! whee! feel so happy for her. still rem those days when we shared abt our ideal bfs. haha! and now here comes her man! aiyoyooyoyo, i just have this sudden surge of blissfulness when she told me ytd. im in LOVE too! muahahahha!
i want the "get-attached" feeling! (ahem!)
it feels like im alr "married" -_-"'
