KL-ing

exclusively yours

the mention of the word "exclusive" gives people a special and privileged feel. things like "exclusive sales for members only" gets those invloves excited. but sometimes it might not be a good thing after all, esp when it comes to our fellowship.

when our fellowship has come to a state of "exclusively yours", its dangerous. those in the "exclusively yours" group might feel belonged and privileged to be part of that exclusive fellowship, little did they realise that "exclusively yours" status is actually a "we are excluding you" status.

they can be so comfortable with their own company, own inside jokes, which unconsciously give people a hard-to-penetrate-through kinda feeling. yes, inside jokes can be such a exclusive factor that makes people feel like a fool in your group. those unexplained ones. and when our fellowship has come to a state when people find it hard to penetrate into that group, we have lost the essence of fellowship. it is such fellowship that blinds ourselves to our own faults and weakness. and when we think that we are the popular and much wanted group with that attention, we are actually the ones who are the most "blinded". and i wonder, how many of those friends we have close fellowship with actually dare to correct our faults and edify us strength.

im not mentioning any group of fellowshippers in particular, but i realised there is a fine line to draw between being that "exclusively yours" group and having a strong healthy identity for your group. we ought to be cautious about who we fellowship with, how we fellowship and how are we making the other people feel when we fellowship. esp in macro setting, its not good to portray your group as the "exclusively yours" group. its quite a turn off at times.

sometimes i wonder why do i have such a "complicated" mind.

it seems i always cant accept the way things are.


"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

We were the reason that He gave His life

We were the reason that He suffered and died

To a world that was lost

He gave all He could give

To show us a reason to live

Christmas Specials

i'm on leave till next year! woohoo! feels so liberated! haven have this feeling for a long long time since i started to work.

24dec
its pretty amazing how God made a no-plans day to such a eventful day. after half day work, i tot i would just go home and finish up the CG video stuff, wrapping presents and writing cards for the rest of the day.. but i went to a small methodist church xmas eve celebration with my mum n bro. this is a church where i grew up in when i was v young since k1 to p4 before i backslided. singing all the chinese pnw brought back so much memories! everything was v simple there with home cooked refreshment and v amateur candlelight service and altar call, which everything felt so "natural" there. it gives a homely feel. but somehow i felt i was out of place there.

the amazing thing was when i decide to tag along one of my aunt to went house to house caroling! i always wonder why as a Christian i dun do caroling during christmas! i find it reli odd when i first came to church. so out of curiousity, i went caroling for the 1st time ever!

we stepped into a middle aged aunt place and she stays alone. when i stepped in, the word "depression" flashed across me. i kinda ignore that tot at first. but after a few songs and praying tgt, that aunt began to share that she has depression and started crying! i was so blown off my mind then. and they shared the WOG and she accepted Christ! woa woa woa! seeing first hand testimony right in front of you! there and then, i felt the compassion of Christ and went forward to give her a hug.

sometimes, professionalism is to our advantage. but sometimes, professionalism can be our weakest link. when we are always so task-oriented, we fail to realise the simplest things, which is to be real living human being with our hearts beating alive with the love of Christ that compels us. This visit brings me back to the very foundation why we are call light and salt. sometimes, its not about the marketplace, its about your neigbourhood.

25 dec
went for Christmas svc at expo and prayed for a 7 year old girl who responded to altar call. she was in tears and when i asked her why she cried, she answered "cause i know Jesus is my friend now and im forgiven." how pure and child-like is that! reminds me of the buckets of tears i cried when i first responded in p6.

CG party thereafter. i think i haven have such a good laff for q awhile. we went to have our luxurious cg thanksgiving dinner and went wii-ing! it was just crazy! and my arms are aching now. and the craziest thing i think we ever did as a CG happens today! we went into the heineken showroom (that one with the ladies wardrobe and the one with all the beers on the other side) right in the middle of orchard road, and requested the person IC to let us scream inside! and they agreed! so the guys went to one side, the girls the other, and we shut the transparent doors, and started screaming at the top of our voice while reenacting the commercial! and we attracted the whole traffic crowd! everyone stopped and watch and cheered for us! woohoo! well, its once in a life time. the on-lookers might not even meet us for the 2nd time in their life. haha. but it was really fun! everyone have their share of laughter. and we bonded through such an act of randomness. kudos to all the "so on" peeps in my CG! there and then, we represent no one, no organisation, but ourselves. =)

26 dec
tml is reserved for my fam and dear dear. nua-ing at home and feasting at night.

27 dec
thanksgiving svc, zone thanksgiving and DSC outing at night

28 dec
off to malacca then KL! wouldnt be back till next year!


bye 2009. hi 2010!

s-t-i-f-l-e-d

the title says it all. the dictionary.com defines it as....


sti⋅fle1  /ˈstaɪfəl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [stahy-fuhl] Show IPA verb, -fled, -fling.
Use stifled in a Sentence
See web results for stifled
See images of stifled
–verb (used with object) 1. to quell, crush, or end by force: to stifle a revolt; to stifle free expression.
2. to suppress, curb, or withhold: to stifle a yawn.
3. to kill by impeding respiration; smother.

–verb (used without object) 4. to suffer from difficulty in breathing, as in a close atmosphere.
5. to become stifled or suffocated.


i need a more supportive and receptive environment. having the passion and creativity are not enough. you need the right people to believe tgt with you.

argh........

the year 2009

Dec is always a loved season. With all the Christmas lights and deco up everywhere and anywhere. The festive mood is in the air everywhere you go. The weather is so cooling with the breeze brushing through the air. and somehow, all these set me up in a "emo" state, and it's only right for me to take a step back and evaluate the year 2009.

2009 is a year which i felt that i have grown, in my thoughts and understanding especially. few days back when i met up with pst, suddenly i realised i understand most of the things he said. just a year back, sometimes i would leave the conversation with him in a state of confusion. but this time, i felt that i have grown and not just listen to his words, but understand what is "said" beyond his words. and during the conversation, i was brought back to times when im confused and somwhow i felt a small still voice inside explaining things to me which i have nv understand. i realised i have become more analytical esp after i started working. my world view began to expand and i find myself more comfortable when mingling and conversing with adults.

this year, i think i have became more vocal about my thoughts. i will always rem how God spoke to me at the beginning of my career about holding on to His truth and mercy, and how that would lead to favour of men and God. I realised its not just about holding onto the truth, but speaking the truth to set people free. i have used my mind more than ever as compared to uni days. in uni days, i only need to use my brain to memorise and understand the textbooks. but for this year, it was a great transition in my thought life. i find my values and principles being shaped daily.

also in this year, i found myself closer to my destiny,esp so after June youth camp. still rem how unwilling i was when i first was told to help out. but i just went ahead, and i realised what im good at and what im not. i realised i enjoy the stage, somewhere i nv tot i would feel belong to. i enjoyed holding onto the mic, engaging the crowds. nv did i tot that i would be good at hosting, until youth camp 09. one of the most generous praise for the year 2009 was from EVELYN, when she said "when huijuan host, it feels like NDP!"(yes if u are reading this, thanks so much! it is one of the comments which spring me forward to my calling i believe =)) and thats how powerful a generous appraisal can be. and also in this year, i felt that my creativity has blossomed, given so many opportunities in the zone.

as the year ends, my heart is fill with thanksgiving. and there are so many things i can be thankful for....

The Zone
it's always a place of opportunities and encouragement. nv would my idea be shot down and the people are forever so generous with the words. the env is ever positive. i began to appreciate the positive env more so after i started working. this is the place where i can find ple greeting me sincerely, where people will shout for me joyfully whenever they see me: "HUIJUAN!" "WOMEN!" "NGO HUI JUAN!" (mish, this is you!) and where people are always so generous with their hugs. where else in the world can you find hugs so freely? and the zone is always such a fun place to be at. though was affected by the "mulitplication" initially, i have learnt to just take it.

this is also a place where the leadership is always open to what i have to say. Pastor and Dev is always open for new changes and ideas, and always empowering the next generation. They are always so available and i always enjoyed the lim kopi sessions with them with no agendas. A large part of me today is the result of the grace and trust of these leaders in my life. It's truly not easy to be a leader of thousands, really appreciate all that they have done in my life.

Dear Dear!
Dear dear if you are reading this, yeah its for you! you have been the most patient person in my life! (most of the time =p) thank you for standing my whining, complains, indecisiveness, craps, bullies etc. though ple might think that you are a man of few words, i think you are totally FUN! love the bus mrt rides tgt with you, when we invent all sorts of nonsensical jokes and games. (maybe its not reli a good idea that we get a car huh?) you are always there providing me support, esp tru my transition this year. even though sometimes you might not know what to say or what to do, your presence itself do make a difference =) wondering how can i survive 6 mths without you next year?!?!?!?!?! =(

W401
you bunch of fun-loving peeps! you guys have been so faithful staying with me through thick and thin. i might not be the best leader, yet you guys chose to believe in me. you guys are forever so real, no pretense, and thats what i love. really enjoy the times we play and pray tgt. seeing all of you growing up is one of the greatest achievements in my life. from you guys in sec sch uniforms, to JC uniforms, or to uniform-less, to army, to university.. really hoping to see some of you getting your the other half soon! it's my pleasure to grow old tgt with you guys. you guys indeed brought youthfulness into my life. at times when i feel like giving up, the thought of you guys just made me wana stay on and fight tru. cant imagine what's life without all of you. next year will be a year of greater works together! =)

Abba Father
Lastly but most imptly, i wana give thanks to my Daddy. He is always there for me no matter what. and thank Him for placing me in my workplace. Even this might not be the perfect job, but i do see myself growing and learning here. He indeed knows me the best, currently i think at least im doing sth i like at my job. Thank Him for always leading and guiding me at every step of the way, speaking to me so clearly at each point of transition. Thank You for all the challenges that You have set in front of me this year, which made me a stronger and a tougher person. You always knows what's best for me and You always work according to Your perfect timing. "Whom can i have in heaven but You? My heart and my flesh might fail, but you are my hope and my portion forever." You are always such a loving Father who allows your daughter to fall and yet still waiting patiently for me to get up everytime i fell.

to sum up, 2009 is indeed a year of growth in transition for me. i know there's greater things to come.

Staying close to You =)

2 months @ work

i woke up 830am on a Sat morning today, feeling lost. what am i going to do now?

on a weekday, the moment i open my eyes, the routine of brushing teeth-bathe-change-breakfast-work begins. on a sunday, the same goes, the usual 1.5hrs of travel to boon lay. so on a sat, i often feel quite lost in the morning. nevertheless, im treasuring this serenity.

well 2 months @ work. i would say im still in transition. though im more or less settled in in the environment, my thought life is still transiting. Everyday i will find myself thinking, asking, pondering, wondering. Sometimes I would like to just ask my brain to shut up! i admit im very much of a thinker.

Why is the hospital's toilet paper distributed in sheets in the dispenser in the cubicle? Why dont they just put the whole roll of toilet paper in the cubicle? i duno if it is true, but i would like to think that it's for hygiene purpose. One of the very random questions i had. as described by my colleague, im like some inquisitive kid.

Why does hospital need official accredidation? all the ISO and JCI Standards and what not. afterall, isnt hospital abt healing and meeting ple's need? But after talking to a very nice lady in other dept, she enlightened my view of hospital management.

OH! and i went into OT (Operating Theatre) that day and went around taking photos of the cool cool equipements! i nv been into one and met a really nice sister there who agreed to bring me to watch a live operation! what kinda of surgery should i watch? hmm...

and blablablabla... i find myself in a very active learning mode everyday, though mundane at times. haha.

im just wondering... is resumes only valid at the point of entry? thereafter your resume is considered invalid? sometimes i cant help but to feel this way. you can be doing 101 things before and when you come into the new env, you might have to start from 0 again. i just feel that employers should take some effort to "memorise" or at least to be mor "familarise" with employees resume and leverage on their experiences. that would make a better match to the tasks. i wonder where's the record of my resume now. if im an emplower someday, i would pin up my employees resume on one of my walls. make dedication easier for me and my employees might be happier.

also just wondering.. do the bosses go through some sort of people skills training before they are employed or promoted? well it seems that employment and promotion is purely based on qualifications and experiences. it would be better if they are taught people management skills. Communication and people relationship skills are so vital. Choice of words are so impt! they might be in the position to lead but somehow i feel that they might not have the right skills to empower and lead. most of the time, it is just abt getting things done on time. Things are just task-oriented and there is no empowerment. The style of leadership out there is just so different.

i need role models in life. someone i can look up to. God, help!

Jesus the Pedicurist

to some of you, you might hear what i shared about having the "God awareness factor". so here's a post abt it.

went to JB for some light shopping few weeks back. did my cheap yet value-for-money pedicure there. frankly, this is only my 2nd time doing pedicure. was wearing slippers that day and as you know how smoky and dirty the roads might be in msia, i went into the shop with my not-so clean feet. i was abit paiseh at first when the pedicurist asked me to lift up my feet high and right in front of her.

instead of taking a bucket of water to clean my feet first, she used a wet towel to clean my feet. i was paiseh to the max. there after she told me that i have fungus growing on my toe nails (yucks!) and she went digging them out toe by toe, nail by nail!

i was totally humbled by this experience. beinga typical sporean, we went "cheap-ing" around in JB and thinking that we are the ones who come into their country to bless their economy, and deserving a better service bcz we are the more "atas" one. but i was totally humbled by the humility of the pedicurist! the way that she took delicate care for my feet and nails, removing every trace of dirt and fungus, the whole process took more than abt an hr! and nv did she show signs of disatisfaction!

then a tot struck while i was on the sofa. why did Jesus choose to wash ple's feet out of so many other places? why didnt He shampoo His disciples hair, wash their hands or wash their clothes for them? bcz it takes great humility to actually wash someone's feet!

just imagine now that u were out for the whole day, your feet got soak in the rain water and you have been walking on sandy, muddy and dirty grounds. and here came someone who asked you to take off your shoes and show him/her your feet. will you be that ready to take off your shoes? or you will feel "paiseh" to actually show off your feet? to me, it takes great courage to show someone my feet when im caught off guard. but our Pedicurist is so ready so serve and wash the feet of the disciples!

see how ready He is to serve! totally humbled by His humility.

it takes great humility to serve someone. it is no wonder that most sporeans cant provide greatness in customer service as we think that we are here just for the job, not to humble myself and to be despise upon. However, one who gave great customer service is one who is willing to humble oneself and be ready to inconvient himself. maybe all those in the customer service line should go tru some "training camp" where all their pride and egos and being stripped away in the first place. haha

the day when you can strip off your titles and image and bend down on your knees to wash someone's feet, is the day when you have identified with the Pedicurist.

Me: I am She.
Age: 21
D.O.B.: 13 July 1987

Affiliations:
City Harvest Church
Poi Ching School (1994-1999)
Anderson Secondary School (2000-2004)
Temasek Junior College (2005-2006)
National Univeristy of Singapore, Faculty of Science (2006-...)

About Her:
Someone fun-loving who enjoys all the never-do-before stuff.
Constantly seeking excitment and breakthroughs!
The creative and observant side of her generates ideas for almost everything, sometimes crazy ones.
She can be quite arty-farty at times, scribbling and drawing almost anywhere.




CG multiplication! 25 by Oct!
GUESS handbag
Adidas Red-Striped Sports Shoes
Redang Snorkeling Trip!
Japan holiday!
Hair to grow longer!
Shiseido White Lucent Cleansing Gel and Products
Get a dream job
a elegant tube dress!
lots of $$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!
get married!

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