.Tuesday, June 30, 2009 ' 1:15 AM Y
went JB with dear dear. bought 2 pairs of shoes! totally in love with them! shall see me wear it tml! yea~~ went around city square eating! baskin robins.. portugese egg tarts, macau express milk tea.. grilled chicken etc. totally like taitai's life. just doing nth but shop and eat!
been going out of the country with dear dear this 1 month. to taiwan, hongkong, macau, sheng zheng, and today we add JB to our "collection"! contemplating either redang or batam in a few weeks time =)
thats how u spend your time away when u are "unemployed"! but thats how your money is spent away as well.
went to Ben Tan's after that. His house is totally AWESOME! its like a pub! with rooftop alfresco dining cum bbq area with jacuzzi! luxurious or wad!?! took some photos of his house, hope to upload soon once my com is healed.
was really blessed by Ben's family. esp by talking to his dad, also a BBG member in church. the house gave me a v good visual impact of where hard work and wisdom can bring you to. felt so aspired after the whole fellowship. =) im an aspired youth looking forward for a great and prosperous future now =)
still, i need a job! -_-
anw leaders fellowship dinner tml. gona be awesome! =) oh before that gg to treetop walk at maritchie reservoir with dear dear early in the morning tml! just gona keep my days occupied and maximised while i wait for the companies to get back to me.
ok gona sleep now. nights!
.Saturday, June 27, 2009 ' 2:20 AM Y
does bugs beattles butterflies and moths register their flying paths on their brain (if they have one)? it seems like everynight i'll have the same kinda insects coming into my room paying me a visit. as im typing, theres one on my table. yewwww.....
in case if u think my room is v dirty and messy, its NOT! my room (if you come my house before) is all white and all that u can find is all the necessities, minimum decorations and stuff. and i just throw chunks and stacks of stuff away! just cant stand things lying around.
got called up for an job interview next wed. duno to be happy or wad. somehow i just dont have a good feeling abt this interview.
female: hi, you are head-hunted for events marketing position for banking and finance company.
me: oh ok... (thinking since when i applied for a bank position, tho i did applied for events marketing)
female: can u pls come down for an interview at delphi building 6th floor on wed 330pm? (if u noe wad company is that for this venue, pls tag me!)
me: ok what m i expecting? wad shd i bring?
female: just bring down your certs and qualifications. i'll sms u the details.
me: erm ok. may i know what company or which bank is it?
female: erm sorry. im just hired to do this job. i cant tell u the company.
me: .....
still pondering if i shd turn up for the interview. it better not be some funny insurance company trying to get ple to join their team (no offence for those doing insurance!).. but sometimes i reli reli dun like the way some insurance company recruit ple and hunt u down and tag u all the way to help them do a survey. seriously insurance agents can be annoying sometimes. (no offence!) if it reli turned up to be interview for insurance agent, i will reli *&^Q@*^#@*&*@*&$^@$^ them and *&@%^#%&^#*&*##()* the company and *&^@**##()$&*()#*()# the person!
but it might reli be a divine arrangement fr God! who knows. anw still deciding...
went fellowshipping with mem at JP just now. it was supposed to be geylang durian fellowship! but sometimes its reli hard to get the boon lay ple traveling =p boon lay-ians! get out of your nest and see the rest of the spore! =p anw had a good time with them.. talking about _______________ and ____________ with ____________! esp that part when they mentioned ____________ and ________ it was reli out of my mind! can u imagine that __________ can actually happened?!?!? if not for __________ it will also will not ______________. so i guess __________ just got to tell ___________ to __________ so that ____________ will get better!
PS: if you are wondering wads __________________, its just NOTHING! haha! just trying to be funny, thats all =p
anw its reli good to fellowship without any agenda. cherish times like this with them. i was the oli female there! desmond! facebook the photos pls, if u ever read this.
tml gona help out in Shineon kids fashion show! volunteered my help so that i can go see see look look and learn how are events being carried out. tml's gona be a great day of learning, experiencing and discovering!
nights!
miss my dear dear.
.Wednesday, June 24, 2009 ' 11:22 PM Y
yet another day.
i dont know where im heading to in life now. lost in the midst of vast oceans and cant see the shore. seriously, i dont like this feeling. its not as if im not doing anything about it. sometimes too long a break is not good. u are just too free to think about stuff. too free = more problems.
feel like a child now. 1. I want a problem-free life. 2. I want it to be done NOW!
recently my posts sounds frustrating cause I AM! frustrated with the market, the society, the education, the people.... i hope this doesnt last.
when we were younger, our parents made decisions for us, telling us what to do and what not to do. as you grow older, there comes points in your life when you got to make decisions by YOURSELF. even tho we can consult and seek advices, the ultimate decision still lie in our own hands. i think growing up is learning how to make decisions, wise ones. some decisions that i made since i can remember...
1. when i was in pri 2, i decided to be independent in my studies and study reli hard by myself, cz i dun wana have a fierce tuition teacher which my bro used to have. that explains why i dun like gg out to study in big groups.
2. when i was in pri 4, i decided i want to opt for EM1. (was so sad tt i was posted to EM2) i went to the principal office by myself asking for an appeal. how bold. haha. when i reli wan sth, im reli serious for it.
3. when i was in pri 6, i decided that i wana join St john's even tho im graduating in a few mths time. i think i paid for the uniform myself.
4. same year in pri 6, i chose the sec sch that i wanted to go to. my parents did nt play a big role in my choices of school. i just informed them about my choices. i chose and do the application form by myself and hand it in the second day. haha
5. in sec 2, i chose my cca basketball.
6. in sec 3, i decided for myself what stream and what subjects i wana take. i ended up in triple sciences cause that was deemed the "prestigious" thing to do.
7. in sec 4, i decided which JC i wanted to go to. i chose VJC but ended up in TJC. haha.
8. in J1, i decided what subjects i wana take.
9. in J2, i decided to get into my first BGR, which is now still the first BGR. =p didnt consult my friends or parents. i just go ahead with my feelings. haha.
10. in J2, i decided which university i wana go to and ended up in science faculty, which sometimes when i think of it, if i have a 2nd chance, i would do business.
11. in uni year 3, i decided to give up the chance of doing an honours and graduate with a degree, it was a bold decision to make in such a bad time in the market. but i think i've found wad im reli interested gradually in during these 3 years in uni. i dun think my time in science is wasted, at least my curiosity about how the body works is being fulfiled and i discover what i did not like doing as a career.
12. now, im deciding what to do about my career, which industry to go into.
as you can see, im prettty much an independent decision maker. good and bad. good bcz i have the freedom to do what i want and i am bold enough to trust in my own decision. bad bcz i might not have the wisdom and experiences to make major decisions. and sometimes too stubborn. my parents are v freed up with us, we just do what we wana do in life and be responsible for our decisions. grateful for that.
wads the next step for me?
like wad pst tan said. u just got to go tru a period of waiting so that God can mould you in your patience and trust in Him. i think im in that.
"moulding and trusting in process.... sorry for any inconvenience casued."
. ' 2:02 AM Y
another day of fruit-less-ness. i need to feel more useful.
everyday i woke up to emptiness. "what am i going to do today?" "have i bought classified?" "anyone replied to my mail for application?" "anymore new posting on job portals?"...... on and on....
feel kinda disheartened everyday. even tho i have no financial diff.. but i just need to start off my career path to make myself more useful.
to working ple: how do i actually look for a job? do i just send them resume? it seems like no one reply me, not even sure if my resume get to their mails anot. help! im kinda lost in transition now.
in an few hrs time will start another day of job hunt. below are some of the stuff that i wana explore on...
1. events management companies like Kingsmen and Pico (thanks to vanessa and rina!)
2. mediacorp
3. singapore youth olympic organising committee (pretty interested in this, imagine im contributing to the inaugural youth olym! just send out an application, hopefully they reply!!!!)
4. Jobs @ Singapore Airport (some position that i can interact with international tourists)
5. MCYS
6. and more job portals like monster.sg and recruit.net (thanks to Xue En and rachael!)
im lost. so lost. =(
.Saturday, June 20, 2009 ' 11:47 AM Y
everyone of them is precious.
pls not allow anyone of them to stray away.
they are people with GREAT destiny.
let their problems begin to fade and reduce to insignificance in Your presence.
Give me wisdom God.
I need to pray more. get the real thing!
.Friday, June 19, 2009 ' 1:12 AM Y
had a great meeting with dev zone peeps. awesome. a bug just slam itself on my table! i think its the same one that appear every night! ok nvm abt it.
went spore river to had a long fellowship with dear. talked abt lots of stuff. oh and i taught him how to sing! he doesnt listen to chinese songs. so in order to equip him for the next few ktv outings with his cgm, i taught him how to sing "wu ding"! funny. LMAO! (Laugh My Ass Off, learned fr mish!) and we sang all the old old our generation songs from andy lau to zou hua jian to tao ze to A1 backstreet boys savage garden and more! maybe one day i should record down all the silly stuff tt dear did so that u will noe he is not as serious-looking as he is! haha!
i know im there. but not there.
getting to somewhere. but still no where.
sometimes simple things seemed so complicated.
i just want the REAL THING.
give it to me.
.Wednesday, June 17, 2009 ' 2:48 AM Y
i've decided to make an consistent effort to blog! and anw since im so free now. haha
went kite-flying ytd with dear! have wanted to fly kite since before exams... so finally we actualised it ytd! actually we did nt intend to fly kite. we wanted to go swimming actually, the seng kang relatively new pool with slides and all the diff pool facilities. but to our disapointment, it was CLOSED! sad sad sad sad! and just so nice they were having some international hockey match nearby so we sneak in to watch a few rounds of hockey matches. new zealand guys are sure good looking! i cheered like im one of the new zealand-ers! den we saw alot of ple flying kite at a nearby field so we decided to buy a "bat-man-lookalike" kite and flew it! actually it did not fly la.. ok it floated i will say. and we named that kite "a piece of shit", bcz half way tru the flying the string somehow kana stucked and we were so fed up with it. and we kept our "piece of shit" in the bag and made our way home. haha.
had a dinner in front of the tv and i fell asleep on dear's shoulder halfway watching some documentary. see it was an lazy day. always enjoy his company =) i think we are those sort of couples that like to do random stuff and outdoor stuff. bcz im that kinda gf! so he no choice! =p
anw went for 1st job interview today. by right its supposed to be interview with recruitment consultant for a sales job. ended up the manager called me back for another interview with her trying to get me into her company. seriously i dun think i like the working env there. and most imptly i dun like that manager, u noe, the face and the way she talks. ok hopefully she dun traced her way here. haha
went leaders meeting and went supper with dear and woman! always enjoy their company! nv felt that woman was a light bulb. shes just like one of us! haha but hopefully she quickly find her prince charming la. if u are interested in her, pls be BOLD!
anw we were talking abt the youth camp and all of us agreed that each one of us discover more abt ourselves. the good and the bad. for me, somehow i discover where i feel belong. the stage! i feel comfortable holding the mic hosting on stage rallying ple blablabla... since primary school, i think i have the influence to rally ple. i organise outings for my cca group in an non official setting.. rally my whole jc class to participate in some charity fund raising thing etc. fr the youth camp i discovered that actually i can be good with crowds! sometimes i can be overwhelmed by crowds of ple. when i watch national rally, i'll tear almost every year! its just this thing between me and crowds. u noe sometimes in life we noe that we have a tendency or a preference to do sth but just that we cant put it in words? bcz our tendency is not like those obvious talents like sports dance sing kinda stuff.. and we find it so hard to express our talents bcz our talents arent the typical ones. so today while talking to woman and dear i think i finally am able to put wad im good at into words!
i seriously wana find a job tt allows me to use these giftings of mine. or should i say i dun wan to find a job, i want to find a vocation, which means CALLING in hebrews ( i think, or greek? haha)
God puts sth in everyone. but our job is to discover it. if wad u are good at is not those typical kinda talents, no worries, just serve more and u'll discover more abt yourself! =)
God is good! just got inform i got a bursary of $400! and tgt with the one fr NUS of $1200, i receive a total of $1600 by just filing some forms! cool isnt it? the power of sowing and reaping. seed time harvest will nv cease as long as the earth remains =)
ok sleeping now. looking forward for swimming session with dear tml! =)
wan an!
.Saturday, June 13, 2009 ' 1:50 AM Y
just came back from recoded youth camp 2009. well.. it was tiring but i've learnt alot tru the whole process of plannning.. collaborating with ple and of cz discover more of myself.
leme mention some of the events we did. to me, the most impressive and emotion-stirring event is our campfire night, which we broke the spore book of records by using light sticks to form the youth olympic logo. 2010 light sticks lighted up at time 2010 to anticipate the youth olympic at spore in 2010. it was indeed significant! the moment when they ran around the track with the "olympic torch" it was so cool! machiam like a real olympic opening ceremony. they looked totally cool! esp pst ck.
this event made me realised how a small seed of idea can actualised itself when we are really serious in doing it. actually last year me and darice tot of breaking some sort of spore records during our youth camp 08. but we are left with 1 week to do it. so we kinda chunk and freeze the idea one side. didnt reli told anyone tho. but this year, me and dear, was just having very casual camp discussion at my place after sunday svc 2 weeks ago (see even we patoh also talk abt camp stuff!) and i kinda got reminded of this idea. i tot him and he was actually thinking abt tt too! so we brainstormed all the diff ideas like wad kinda record we can break. below are some of the ideas we tot of. some are reli stupid and funnny.
1. Most number of people throwing paper into a campfire at one time
2. Most number of people forming a formation of the 5 olympic rings
eh how come now cant think of anymore? anw our discussion tt day was reli so funny. we actually tot of a slogan to used in the camp: 我 code 了，你 code 了 吗？ lots of stupid and funny ideas came forth under a relaxed atmosphere. so u were thinking how did NGO kl came into the pic rite? after having the idea, me and dear were looking for a target to "sabo". i mean "empower". haha. and since he broke spore record before, so we tot he is the best candidate to "carry the cross". but my bro made it happened within the span of 1 weeK! cool rite? no wonder, cz we share the same genes! haha!
i think wad i treasured most in this camp is the bonding i had with my mem. even not all turned up, but all my sec sch turn up! so proud of them. and my cg won THE BEST TEAM AWARD! and THE BEST HOUSE PERFORMANCE during campfire! totally proud of them! =) we walked away with a total of $150 capitaland vouchers. woo! looking forward to a time of great treats! (hint hint!) for this year youth camp i dun think i participate alot in the planning etc. a few days before the camp i reminded myself tt i dont wana get carried away by the planning and the execution during the camp and i wan to focus on building relationships with my youth this camp. its a rare chance tt all of them can come tgt for 3d2n. i feel ultimately the memories of the events might fade away but its the bonding and the sharing of lives during the camp tt will stay on forever. im glad i made tt decision. i joined them for their cheers (the cheer of that aaron kwok's dance was my idea! haha! and tt YADA pose by mish too!).. telematches.. but not the fright night part cz i know its gona be quite disgusting! haha! oops.
youth are easy bunch of people. they laugh easily. they tear easily. they bond easily. just tt sometimes they experienced some emotions upheavals here and there. but once they like u, they will really like u! i will particularly rem the last night (which i said no one sleep tonight, but i went home the 1st to sleep! haha!) where all of us sat/lie/slept at the parade square just sharing away freely. im just glad tt God placed them into my hands. =)
another part which i think is a great part of the camp is the "forum" we had with pst. first of all, i would like to comment on all the pst in our church. they are so opened and bold to hear us out, even tho some comments made might not be wad they would like to hear. they are always not afraid to revolutionise the whole thing again and again to make it right, the Jesus way. well.. i think it reli takes something in you to become a leader, esp a spiritual leader. sometimes u are placed in a situation to make decisions which are not popular，and have to deal with the side effects of it. exactly like wad pst kong shared in his interview in cna. sometimes ple involved in the effects in a particular decision might feel unjustified but the decision maker just got to move on. well, leaders are humans too. they do make wrong decision sometimes. but they just got to bite the bullet and go tru it, the hard way.
sometimes i feel kinda victimised, lost in transition. why must i be the one to come in during such transitions? why am i not being helped alongside? rattle rattle rattle.. never ending. today i got to see another perspective. sometimes we might think that we are victimised and trapped, but those ple above and under you might feel even more victimiesd and trapped. you know, its the many-fold tier and the system thing. but i know everyone is trying hard now to make things right again, just give them some time. it takes trust and belief to stay tgt for such a time as this. God is our anchor.
when im lost, sometimes wad encourages me to go on is reli my members. tts why i always got to remind myself to focus on the right stuff. relationship is the key. sometimes i even purposefully withdraw myself fr getting involved in activities planning etc. im just not confident enuf tt i can juggle the time well. i rather choose relationship. correct me. ya its abt capacity and all.
i stil rem during the last svc of the year last year when we sang "My life Your song", i had a inner voice telling me tt "Hold on to God and nth will go wrong.", which is sth tt anchors me for this year. Leaders might make the wrong decision, members might backslide, you might not be well-liked and circumstances might come, but just like the song sings, "You are the anchor of my soul".
move on hj! you can do greater things! =)
ok enuf abt all that. if u are reading this, this does not address to anyone in particular. dont get offended or wadsoever, bcz its not meant to be offensive. give me some freedom to write.
ok back to more light-hearted stuff!
oh well actually one of the comment made by evelyn was v encouraging! she said:"when hj host, it feels like NDP!" it was reali a very explicit and sincere praise, an elaborated praise. hmmm actually last time i tot of being a newscaster! haha. i nv noe tt i can host well. the discovery begin when i was being "saboed" and threw onto the stage last min to host games! you see you see, sometimes its gd to be saboed, you discover your talents! haha. ok la not sabo, its serving. as i continue to host for diff zone events, i realised actually i kinda enjoy the stage, the crowd! even tho for God's sake i cant sing on stage (Darice can testify to that), thank God for the talent to host and carry crowds on stage! everytime when im up on stage, i just feel so hyped up! is there any job opening for hostings or events management? looking for a job now. haha
i also realised im quite impatient too. haha. i just wana get things done quick and fast and i cant stand chaos! tt explains my fed-up-ness during camps. if u are one of the ple tt i "scolded" u, heres an apology to u. SORRY! no hard feelings! and i simply cant stand youths who always try to act seh but not seh at all! shout here shout there. aiyo pls la. theres a better time to shout during cheers u dun shout. its reli pretty tiring and dry to get the youths to be enthu sometimes.
oh another thing is i think im v blessed every year to be assigned helpers to help me out with games. i truly enjoy all the fun and laffter (and of cz all the late nights and calls) we had during the process! last year Jason Jiang was in the team, tgt with Aloysius, Jun Hao etc.. they are such awesome ple with a serving heart! this year to my pleasure, i work tgt with our zone handsome hunk, whom still single and availble, BEn TAn! he's an awesome guy. always ready. Ben, if u are reading this, YOU ARE THE GUY THAT ROCK THE CAMP WITH YOUR GAMES AND HOSTING! =) and of cz, another pretty babe fr the zone, but too bad taken alr, CLEO! its reli my honor to work with hunks and babes! hello! my cg ple! RISE UP! lets have the chance to do zone events tgt! tt'll be fun! =)
ok this is a pretty long post. but best thing to be mentioned at the last. my dear dear! he's simply awesome! he took it upon himself the whole camp and make it come to past! (of cz with the rest of his committed and serving team la, but let me stroke his ego abit. haha) it is finished! and he of cz discover more of his strengths, tgt with weaknesses too. isnt it true? you discover wad u can and wad u cant as u begin to serve and do stuff. anw for now, it means more time with me, JUST ME! muahahhahahah! ok i sounded like some possessive gf. no more late night calls with other girls now! =p
ok long post. its 332am now. camps just turn ur whole biological system upside down (like wad sr said). feel like reading the Book now.
Buai!
tag me tag me! if nt i'll feel being spied on. =p
.Wednesday, June 03, 2009 ' 1:56 AM Y
just had tues leaders meeting.
had lots of thoughts after what pst tan shared. grateful tt he opened up a cell group leaders forum. a great way to vent our frustrations. oops. i mean give feedback. haha.
but i guess it'l take some time for all of us to be sincerely truthful to share our hearts out and feedback in a positive manner which will not offend anyone. haha. guess its just the sporean culture. just follow lor (law) you know. even in school its like that too. science students just follow protocols for experiments without much thinking. joining a cca just to get cca points without much passion for it, just because tts the most promising cca with guaranteed lots of cca points. going for more tuitions and remedials cz we are told tt that'll be good for us. blablabla...
we are the way we are now cz this is how our education and society has shaped us to be.
anw dont wana go deep into tt. tired. i mean physically.
next few days will be crazy days. youth camp.
good nights.
oh. it'll be good too if we have a zone "thrashing out" session. haha
