in a few hours time marks my 6th week at work. well well.. still nt reli looking forward to mondays. but its a transition period for me. and im nt reali good at it. have been having alot of thoughts recently. in fact, working life makes me appreciate the things that i used to do more. see, the grass is always greener on the other side, no matter which side u are at.

have been trying to "hype" up myself daily by plucking in my earphones in the ever-crowded mrt in the morning, by listening to pnw. times where im just doing work at my com, i will listen to some sermons while doing work (yes, we are "allowed" to do that if it doesnt affect our efficiency). there were times when im touched by the songs and the presence, i just couldnt lift my hands or to just put aside my things and just worship God. i realised the importance of the freedom of worship. and how i have taken for granted those times in bible school, that i can just worship God so freely everyday and i can just sing pnw to those friends ard and they will understand me. Now if i were to do that, i wil be classified as "weird and overly-holy". i start to appreciate gg for cgms and svcs, where i can reali just boldly declare my faith.

i appreciate those days when there are no financial burdens, when i just need to earn and pay for my own expenses, student rates here and there. Now, the burden adds on. To pay off my own school fees, household bills, giving parents allowance (if u give too little, u'll feel u are nt filial enuf. if u give too much, how to survive?!?!) and there's just this unspoken hidden thing between parents and children. that you nv noe how much is ever justifiable. everything just goes on with assumptions and presumptions.

i start to appreciate those working/tertiary people in my cg. last time i used to think that why is it so hard for such ple to commit? but now i noe, working is really tiring. i really begin to appreciate those members, who are also in transition phase as well. they are so willing to serve out of themselves and stay tru tgt. some ple will just have "i have a BIG prob" all over their face, while some will just take prob in their stride and continue serving. i appreciate the latter ones.

working life is a whole new dimensions of temptations. you will always be tempted. to say the wrong thing, to criticise, to complain, to whine, to throw your temper, to sulk, to find excuses etc. this is esp so in an all-female environment! where everyone is so whiny abt every single thing! pms-ing all at the same time! thats why im nv good with girls clique. i find it reali irritating sometimes. and being in a quality service unit, the tendency to pin-point ple's quality of service is higher, and without careful note, you end up criticising the person and not that act itself. sometimes some comments really turn me off. just as you think you are doing your job by critising the quality service, you are just being whiny and complainful. stop criticising, CONSTRUCT! everytime while on my way to work, i have to constantly consciously remind myself to fight against all these negative forces. without a conscious effort, you will just be bought in by the people and join the "popular group".

ple closer to me might think that im vocal, but in the office, im just quiet. i dun talk much and give my opinions much. i dun wana give opinions just to show off that im vocal and im more "up there". i wan to speak the truth instead. im still navigating my way around, getting to know how the systems and the connections work there.

now i understand why God describes us as cute little sheep. cause if we are not careful, we'll just be devour by those wolves out there.

"Let not mercy and truth forsake you, bind them around your neck, write them around your heart, and so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man." Pro 3:3

God will protect His harvests!